I’m not a negative person.
This isn’t some click-bait, anti-self-help article.
You see, I was watching quite a depressing documentary last night on the late Tim Bergling, better known as the DJ and dance music producer Avicci. The 28-year-old was one of the more recent examples of celebrity suicide. Someone who, from the outside, appeared to have it all. He achieved his wildest dreams yet, like so many, became lost into a dark solitary void of depression and anxiety. So much so that he felt the need to end it all.
I’ve written before about the link between mental illness and creativity. Or, what could at least be called the fine line between neurosis and creativity. But, I can’t stop thinking about it.
Why do people who seem to achieve all their dreams, so often crash and burn and, in the worst case scenario, take their own lives?
I’m not saying anything new or profound by saying that most (if not all) of us project happiness into the future. We go through life with an “I’ll be happy when…” mentality.
“I’ll be happy when I’m doing what
“I’ll be happy when I own my own home”
“I’ll finally be happy once I lose weight”
It doesn’t even have to be big goals or dreams. I’ve been in dark places where I’ve thought everything will be fine once we move, or once we can pay the bills a bit easier, only to hit these milestones with a muted confusion over why I don’t feel any better.
What we fail to see is that this thought process is toxic and that happiness lies in the here and now and not in some arbitrary future scenario. When we attach happiness to what we define as success, it causes three main problems.
- It ‘buys us time’ by giving us an excuse to be miserable now, because I’m attaching my happiness to a future goal so, for now, leave me alone to be jaded and miserable in peace.
- Life is unpredictable. Most of us don’t ever achieve the goals and dreams we set ourselves. So, if attainment of something is your prerequisite for happiness, what happens if you never own a home, or lose weight?
- This is key. What happens when you do actually achieve all your hopes and dreams beyond belief but you still find yourself unhappy?
I might say, “I’d be happy if only I won the lottery!”. And, then I do. Great! Done! But, fuck… I’m still anxious.
What now?
What happens when you feel you have no ‘excuse’ to be depressed or anxious anymore yet you are. What effect mentally and emotionally does it have on a person
Could this be one of the reasons that so many celebrities, artists, and creative people living their passion end up killing themselves? Of course, it’s not that simple. There are several other factors like drug and alcohol abuse and the stress and pressure that comes with being in the public eye. There’s also the fact that sometimes, a creative, brilliant, enlightened mind can also be a troubled one. I think that sometimes a restless, anxious mind is what spawns creativity itself but then we get into a “which came
Regardless, I can’t help but wonder if one of the contributing elements to this phenomenon is the guilt and loss of hope felt by finally attaining everything you dreamt of, only to find yourself miserable.
For me, Anthony Bourdain is someone who was doing a job that I would love to do. Travel, writing, experiencing cultures and sharing stories are all passions of mine. So, how does someone come to a point to end their life alone in a hotel room?
Of course, we have no idea what’s going on in the minds and private lives of these people and I’m by no means being judgemental and arguing “they had everything, what’s their problem?”. I’m sure they were incredibly grateful for their success yet, something else dark, infecting and toxic took over.
This is not a simple topic. Essentially I guess all we can say is that happiness is within and found through understanding the self and surrendering to the chaos of life. It’s dangerous to attach any notion of happiness to something external or material, let alone something in the future that may or may not ever happen. We also know that depression and anxiety often have little to do with circumstance and is an illness that (despite how many self-help books you read with their recipes for happiness) we have little control over. So, it makes sense that “having it all” isn’t going to cure an existing mental illness.
However, we live in a culture with an entrenched dogma that “the grass is always greener” and, I can’t help but wonder how it feels for those who do finally reach the top of the mound and glimpse the other side, only to
What then?
