I’m slowly, grinding out of Bangkok in sporadic convulsive lurches. My soundtrack is an out-of-sync rhythmic clack of steel and the pained creak of old carriages, protesting the speed at which the old diesel engines pull them unwillingly. In quintessential South East Asian rail tradition, we rock, lurch and then pause still in silence for no apparent reason. Rail cars clumsily stumble and wack into each other as if half asleep as engines squeal to unexpected halts.
I’m winding, hissing and shrieking to Thailand’s cooler, jungle-dense ‘northern jewel’, Chiang Mai.
To say that this whole this trip is unplanned is an understatement.
I’m here more on a whim of routine-induced-angst and something calling me that’s powerful and greater than myself that I don’t really understand why just yet.
What I’ve realised… well more something I’ve always known… is that spontaneity and abstract subconscious whispers are never accidental. They are always deliberate messengers of profound messages that, if you ignore them for too long, it will leave you feeling lost, empty and desolate.
If these urges are never followed, you become completely out of flow with the frequency of life. Just like a lower voltage won’t power an accessory, and power supply too strong will cause it to implode, we pick up on frequencies needed to effect change and draw from the grid of collective consciousness at the right frequency at the right time.
If, we continue to ignore the energy, our psyche knows we
subconsciously need, we cease to function.
Put simply, I think this I blatantly obvious. We take for granted
images on our TV as well as the fact that I’m sharing this blog with you
globally from a speeding train hurtling through the spicy humid outskirts of Bangkok.
We all accept technology like WIFI, 4G and even electricity without
any clue of how it works so why are we so stubborn, judgemental and sceptic when it comes to energy that effects the psyche?
To all my friends, colleagues and even family, this Thailand trip has come as a shock. For some reason, I just felt the need to come here and re-ground myself. Now, whilst I appreciate the many messages of support
(mostly spawn from a WTF curiosity), I’m also baffled about our resistance to change and the associated stigma to spontaneity (in my opinion spontaneity is one of the most crucial, beautiful and creative processes of humanity).
I’ve been accused of being everything from reckless, unable
to settle and want a family, forcing us all to move again and again to now even having a midlife crisis. I like to think I’m a bit early for a mid-life crisis
and prefer perhaps a delayed quarter-life crisis.
But, the one thing that’s struck me is the Western psyche of resistance to change. It’s as if, after a certain age, we must define ourselves with labels and personality traits and if (heaven forbid) we grow and change those character traits, we’re labelled as unstable, desperate, “clinging to our youth” (someone even called me Peter Pan recently as the “boy who doesn’t want to grow up’), or trying to be someone we’re not.
The reality is, time is an illusion, nothing is permanent, including
our personality and this is a natural human trait. The ability to reinvent ourselves and become better is what makes us human.
Studies in psychology have now shown that people who don’t cling
to basic reality and instead, adapt new personality traits or indulge in healthy escapism are more prone to depression.
For me, this trip represents an attempt to try and ground myself again. A rejuvenating right-of-passage to escape the immature Australian culture and connect with something deeper. Some people understand that and some don’t. Quite frankly the ones that don’t never will.
While this makes sense to me and perhaps even most people on an idealistic level, I’d be lying if I said hadn’t been subtly ridiculed for my alleged recklessness.
We aren’t yet ready to embrace change and understand that we’re dynamic beings. Well, we did a millennia ago, but somehow, we’ve forgotten all that matters.
So, as I bounce out of Bangkok into the orange glow of street lights that frame the mosaic temples, I can’t help but think that this journey is more than a geographic A to B and much more a journey of discovery. I just wish that people would embrace change and have trust that, no matter what, change is evolution and growth, not a crisis or superficial attempt at reinventing a false self.
To all grammar aficionados (you know who you are), please ignore any typos. I challenge anyone to type anything on a Thai train and see how accurate you are 🙂